its been six months since i quit working to go chase my dream. now in retrospect, i m thinking about my (abrupt?) decision. would i do it again? most probably not, especially considering how dead the job hunt has been so far.
but still, feel that the time off and my trip had its benefits. like my cousin kept asking me, was my dream really something i wanted or did i want it so desperately, bcoz it was the next thing expected of me. honestly, i don't think i scored much in that introspection. but i think, i realized that i was being tad too sorry for myself.
the high point of the trip was the kind of people i met over a span of 2 months. the journey wasnt easy. it was filled with hopes and dreams and desires and ended in happiness for so many and disppointment for some of us. i don't think i have ever felt so powerless. but i had to look around and admire those around me who had it in them to dream again. i m yet to work up the courage to even look down that road again.
also, the time away gave me the time to get away from some of the things i needed to. it was like being in a 6 month long therapy. sort out some things and get past a few. not to mention, the quality time i spent with my grandmother. i m still amazed at how much she changed over a few years. she was a strong lady and still is in some respect. i still remember how much power she had over all of us and was someone nobody dared to be on the wrong side of. age has rewound her to be as helpless as a baby. but when we persevered and gave her time and lot of attention, we had glimpses of the old grandmother. she sang songs she had learned in school, told me stories about her family and in one lucid moment, she even told me not to care a hoot about what people expected from me. i m not sure how much she understood, but i m sure some corner of her mind, where things aren't clouded over yet, she is still looking after me. and thats enough for me.
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